


Jacob Two-Two and the Warlock's War

by Katiebug586



Category: Jacob Two-Two - All Media Types
Genre: Asspull, Extreme Asspulls Award 2k20, I Try To Write Rick Riordan Chapter Titles, Magic, Reincarnation, Warlock - Freeform, Wizards, descendant
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-04-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:47:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23606278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katiebug586/pseuds/Katiebug586
Summary: Jacob's about to discover a whole more about his family history.
Relationships: Jacob/Buford/Renee (Platonic)





	1. The Prologue to End All Prologues

There are no certainties in life besides death, taxes, cliche narrator prologues, and the never-ending battle between good and evil. Ever since the beginning, whether it’s sentient or not, there has always been a force in this universe that seeks to destroy, as well as something to counter that force, no matter the cost.

This is one of those stories.

A long, long time ago, long before any of us were alive, there was a demented warlock who used his witchcraft and black magic to torture and abuse the villagers who lived in what is now present-day Montreal. He would cast ghastly spells that cursed and damaged the crops the village used for food, but nobody could bring themselves to do anything about it, they all knew how truly horrid he could be. 

As his powers grew, so did his wickedness. His spells became more and more twisted, they began messing with the weather, with animal behavior and everything in-between. The more the villagers begged him to stop, the more he continued tormenting him, it felt as if the onslaught would never end.

Then the warlock did something unspeakable.

One day, the sun dipped below the horizon, signaling night, but come the morning, it never came back up. The warlock appeared and gleefully stated that he was so powerful now that he could cast an eternal night upon the entire planet, to everyone’s bitter horror.

Eternal night was a death penalty because, without the sun’s rays, nothing would be able to grow, ensuring eventual starvation for all those that lived on Earth. For the time being, with no adult brave enough to challenge the warlock, it seemed hopeless.

Well, some people eventually did stand up, but they weren’t adults, they were three little kids. They didn’t understand why the adults were so scared, they were going to die anyway, right? So why die doing nothing when you could die at least  _ trying _ to do something,  _ trying _ to make a difference.

So they did try, as hard as they could.

During a particularly cold and bitter night, perhaps day, armed with nothing but a simple spellbook, the brave kids stood their ground in a dangerous magic show with the warlock, attempting to outplay him at his own game, but this time with good intent.

It was a long and hard battle, as many people watched in awestricken fear, wondering who would win, would it be the warlock or the kids? Unfortunately, the magic man had quite a lot of tricks up his sleeve and it was turning into a humiliating losing battle, until finally, one of the spells caught the leader’s eyes.

It was a dangerous spell, though it would lock the warlock away, it would also take an insane amount of power and sacrifice the users of the spell. Despite only having lived not even one-fourth of their lives, the trio agreed that this would probably be the only way to stop such a villain and save everyone from this ever horrible night.

Just as it looked they had given up, the leader quickly spoke the powerful and arcane words for this lethal spell, joined by his closest friends. The warlock realized that he’d been played and tried to escape, but it was too late.

In a blinding flash of light, the sun reappeared, shining its rays onto the petrified crowd, who could only stare at what was once three kids and a wizard. Now, nothing was there, not even a single trace of evidence remained that there ever  _ was _ a fight.

Nobody really knows what happened to any of the four, though it has been said that one day the warlock will break free of his binds, stronger and deadly than ever and only a descendant will be able to put a stop to such devastation once started. 


	2. My Friends Try to Legalize Book Marriage

I closed the book of History and Folklore of Montreal, shifting it off to the side rather absentmindedly. “Well, that was an interesting read, wasn’t it? I never knew there was so much history and folklore tied down to Montreal! Our mythology essay is in the bag, in the bag!”

Unfortunately, my friends did not look nearly half as interested as I was. Buford was staring off into space, eyes dazed and unfocused, while Renee was looking at the library shelves. Clearly they didn’t hear a word I said, or in Renee’s case, didn’t _care_ about a word I said. “You guys! You aren’t even paying attention!”

Buford nearly jumped out of his seat at my outburst, before attempting to show off a smile that looked more like he just passed gas than anything. “I was paying attention, Jacob, promise! It’s just, the ending was kind of a let-down, wasn’t it? Why couldn’t they have won _without_ having to sacrifice themselves? It’d still make for a good story! Like my stories! I’d never pull that kind of ‘And then they all died, the end.’ stuff on anybody!”

“Life isn’t fair, Buford, you should know this by now,” Renee spoke up, an unamused tone in her voice. “And besides, they aren’t real people, are they now? Why feel sad about people who never existed?”

While Renee was undoubtedly right, something about her statement simply just didn’t sit right with me. Sure, this probably didn’t happen, as cool as it would be, but that doesn’t mean she could just squander Buford for having feelings! “You know, Renee, having sympathy for something, even if it’s not exactly real, isn’t a bad thing.”

“But it doesn’t make any sense!”

“Maybe not to you, maybe not to you. But let me just break it down for you, writing is about _making_ your reader feel attached to these characters and when they’re hurt, feel sorrow and sadness. Besides, I think this book does a great job of that, even for a simple folklore tale.”

She scoffed, looking away from us. “If you guys like that book so much, why don’t you marry it?!”

I had obviously gotten under her skin, her insults were starting to slip, becoming more and more basic. However, I was still rather confused by her statement. “Can you even do that? Is that even legal?”

“If it’s not, it should be!” Buford piped in. “I feel like Jacob and his family would take total advantage of that, they love reading _and_ by extension, books!”

Great, now Buford just gave Renee _more_ ammo to insult me with. Please give me a break, today, _please,_ I’m sorry about telling you off about not having feelings, just please don’t drag me back into this!

Renee only giggled in response. “Imagine it, mon ami. Do you, Jacob Two-Two, take this average and plain bestseller book to be your bride?”

Why? Why me?

Buford then tried to do the worst imitation of me that I ever heard. “I do! I do!”

Okay, that’s enough. I’ve had enough friendly shenanigans for one day, I can deal with the fallout of all this tomorrow. I got up, preparing to leave, though my eyes wandered to the book one last time.

“Then I pronounce you book nerd and- Jake? Where are you going?”

“Uh… home.” I tried to not look Renee in the eye, as I grabbed the book, holding it under my arm. “I’ll take this, for studying purposes, for studying purposes.”

“Hey man, if you’re mad about the book marrying thing, we were only kidding! Besides, even if they do legalize book marriages and you do marry a book, we’d still be supportive.” I smiled a little at Buford’s kindness, he was the balance that perfected our group and kept us from having _way_ too many fights or disagreements. Still, perhaps I should get back home, I did have some stuff to take care of.

“Well, this group essay isn’t going to begin itself. Besides, about the book thing, don’t sweat it. Unlike Renee, I _have_ a sense of humor."

Renee grumbled angrily but fell silent. I knew that by tomorrow she’d have a full list of proper counterarguments and remarks to throw at me, but I’d be prepared, I’d be prepared.

I always am.


End file.
